I Shall Be Released
by DCFanatic4life
Summary: It wasn't personal, it was just business...except Stephanie can't keep her personal out of the business of dismissing Kelly Kelly. *Complete*
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: The characters and real people portrayed in this story do not belong to me. The characters are owned by the WWE, and the real people own themselves. This story is completely fictional.**

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A/N: So I have no love lost for Kelly Kelly. When I heard she was released, this immediately came into my mind and demanded to be written down. I was going to keep it a one-shot, but the ending just didn't feel like an ending, but I'm still undecided so if you want more, let me know! Reviews are lovely, and if you want to be brutal, go right ahead. :)

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Sometimes, she was petty.

And sometimes she was just downright vindictive. But her heart was always in play either way. Her heart was always this driving force. Her father once told her that business was ruthless, that it should be dealt with without sympathy or compassion. Business should never be conducted with emotion, just the driving force of bettering the product. Everyone thought she was her father's daughter, a perfect replica of him, and in many ways they were right. But not in this way; never in this way.

Stephanie always had a problem with letting her heart get in the way.

So yes, she was petty, she did petty things, she used her power for evil sometimes, and she felt no remorse afterwards. This time was no exception, and she couldn't exactly say she was sad that it had come to this. No, in fact, she kind of wanted to break out a cigar and light it up while sitting back in her leather chair. It felt like a weight was finally lifted off her shoulders. She could breathe again, well, not quite breathe, but the stifling evidence of error was gone at the very least and that had to be enough for now.

At least one problem was taken care of, she would never have to see that flash of blonde hair turning around the corner again. She would never have to see that smug smile hidden behind her dimwitted looks. She would never have to catch the careful manipulation behind those squinted eyes. No, she would never have to deal with that again. She could walk down the halls with her head held high. The axe had finally fallen, and she was the one swinging it.

"_Barbie, have a seat," Stephanie said as she sat across from the blonde._

"_Stephanie, you're looking really pretty today," Barbie told her, but it rang of a falseness Stephanie had become accustomed to when talking to the younger woman. There was always an air of fake when Barbie was around, but after…everything, her aura had taken on a new level of falsity. _

"_Thank you," Stephanie said in a sickly sweet voice. That was how it always was with the two of them, this politeness that permeated every sentence they spoke to each other. Stephanie didn't know how much Barbie knew about her, but it was enough for this girl to think she had the one over on Stephanie. But now it was over. It was all going to be over._

"_So, did you go over my e-mail to you? I thought I was pretty fair in it, don't you think?" Barbie asked as Stephanie pulled out the printed e-mail, holding it up to show Barbie she'd indeed received it. Stephanie had actually laughed when she first read it, needing to take pause for her fit of giggles to subside before she'd called to schedule a meeting with Barbie. "I mean, I _am_ probably your top diva, right? That's what everyone says."_

"_I don't really give credence to what everyone says," Stephanie told her._

"_I'm sure you don't, what with you being in charge," Barbie said, but Stephanie could read between those incredibly transparent lines. Did this girl really think she was that dense? "But I think it goes without saying that I should get a little bit of leeway. I work hard representing for this company, and with the top guys, if they want time off, you're really right there to give it to them, aren't you?"_

"_We did give you time off, to spend with your boyfriend, he's…a football player, right? Oh wait, that was a while back, hockey player now?" If Barbie wanted to start with the catty comments, Stephanie could do the same, and she could do it better._

"_Yeah, hockey, how's Paul by the way?"_

_Stephanie nearly bit right through her lip, but instead she bit the inside of her mouth, so hard she knew she was soon to fill her mouth with the coppery taste of her blood. "He's great, actually, really taking to his new position."_

"_That's good, weird seeing him being all Mr. Corporate now. I'm sure it's really a change seeing him all the time at work…"_

"_We have separate offices."_

"_Oh of course," Barbie nodded. "So, about what I proposed, I think that a lighter schedule would benefit us all. I'd come in refreshed and looking like your top diva, and I would get the time off I want."_

"_Well, I discussed it at length with my father." She had, but she'd been very bias in one direction, effectively convincing her father to agree with her opinion. She may be 36 now, but she could still have her father wrapped around her finger. It was just business after all. "And we both agreed on what to do about this."_

"_So?"_

"_We've decided it's best to let you go."_

"_Excuse me?" Barbie's mouth dropped open a little bit, and Stephanie felt her veins course with elation as sideswiping this little girl and her self-satisfied air. _

"_Well, we wouldn't want to keep you from _all_ those opportunities you outlined in your e-mail," Stephanie ran her finger down the list of things Barbie said she had lined up. Stephanie figured maybe one or two was true, but this girl, Stephanie couldn't see her making the big time. The only thing Barbie really had a penchant for was manipulating men, and in that department, she might do alright. "Plus, with all the time you've spent gone as it is…I think it's kind of safe to assume AJ might be the top diva right now."_

"_So…you're firing me?"_

"_Well, I don't like to think of it as firing per se, I like to think this is a mutual decision. You _did_ say that if you couldn't have the lighter schedule, you might have to consider leaving, so you've considered it, and we're giving it to you."_

"_But—"_

"_Don't worry, I'm sure you'll do fine out there," Stephanie told her. She knew she could probably negotiate with Barbie, knew that she may even be able to talk Barbie into her regular schedule, but she was petty, and she did petty things, and she had petty reasons. So Barbie had to go. It was as simple as that. "We don't want to hinder you, but you know our schedule, and you know how we work."_

"_Yes, but I'm your top diva."_

"_Barbie, I'm sorry to say, but there will be other divas who will come in, besides, we're really trying to find women who have some kind of wrestling talent…it's been a rough go for you."_

"_I know what this is about."_

"_Well, it's about this e-mail you sent us, pretty much outlining demands we weren't going to give into," Stephanie's voice took on a hard edge as she pushed the piece of paper towards Barbie. "This was talked about, and we're only trying to help your cause…unless you were bluffing, were you bluffing, Barbie?"_

_There was a pause, and Stephanie knew most of what she'd written were lies, but Barbie's pride was at work here, and she needed to save face. "No."_

"_I didn't think so. You're get the standard severance package, and we'll cite this as a mutual decision. You can go down to accounting to take care of all that paperwork," Stephanie told her. "Or we can just do it through your lawyer or agent if you have one."_

"_I know about you, Stephanie," Barbie said as she stood up. _

"_I don't know what you're talking about," Stephanie kept her composure as she stared down the blonde. Now was not the time to reveal any kind of prevailing emotion._

"_I think you do," Barbie said. "Too bad you couldn't keep what you had, I guess he just saw something better come along…"_

"_Again," Stephanie was seething inside, wishing she could rip the hair extensions from this idiot's head, "I don't know what you're talking about, Barbie. Are we done here?"_

"_Yes, we're done."_

Stephanie reveled in the memory of Barbie walking out of her office with a dejected posture. She thought again about the lovely "future endeavors" note that popped up on the website soon after Barbie had been terminated from her contract. Stephanie had personally called the website team to tell them they needed to update with the new information. She was a petty woman, and her heart did most of the speaking for her, and in that moment, her heart was soaring with power and the freeing feeling of the stabbing pain from the last few years finally being extinguished.

"Stephanie?"

"Yes, Marcy?" Stephanie pressed the button on her intercom to speak to her secretary.

"There's someone here to see you, says it's urgent."

"I'm busy, and I'm not expecting anyone, who is it?"

"Mr. Chris Irvine."

Stephanie froze, her finger hovering over the intercom button. Her eyes darted around quickly looking for an escape route, but there wasn't one. It wasn't like she could just jump out the window, and her door was the only door to the room. She could only imagine what he was here for, he was probably here about Barbie, and she sneered. If that was the case, she didn't want to hear it.

"Um, send him in," Stephanie said because there was no way out of this, no matter how much she wanted out of this.

She turned to her right quickly to the mirrored wall beside her and checked herself, making sure she looked alright. Even if Chris was angry with her, she wasn't going to look like this was affecting her in any way, shape, or form. That would only be giving him what he wanted, and she wasn't going to let him take the satisfaction of firing Barbie away from her.

Chris sauntered in a moment later, and the first thing her eyes darted to were his two new tattoos, proudly on display on his arm. She scowled a little at them. She'd never seen the point of tattoos, and he was perfect without them. Chris caught sight of where her arms were and he let out a light chuckle at her face. Upon hearing the sound, Stephanie looked up at Chris, his face breaking out in a grin.

"You like them?"

"No," she told him bluntly, "I think they're hideous."

"Well, good thing they're on my skin then," he sat down in front of her.

"What are you doing here?"

"Oh, I came to talk to your dad," Chris shrugged, "thought I'd come here, talk to you. See how you were doing, you know, all the good stuff that _friends_ do."

"I'm not in the mood, Chris," she told him, "I've got a lot of things to do."

"Like fire a certain diva," Chris was full out smirking now, but Stephanie didn't find it funny. She didn't find it funny at all so she stayed silent. "Oh wait, no, it was a mutual decision, right? You know, Stephanie, I just don't get you sometimes. You get so angry and you find the one moment where you can fire her—"

"So you've talked to her then?"

"No, I haven't talked to her," he told her slowly, "but I've talked to Maryse, who talked to her. I saw her and Mike when they came to my Fozzy concert in LA last week. She said that Barbie sent an e-mail—"

"Where she said if we didn't want to agree with her, then termination would be the route she might want to take," Stephanie interjected.

"Which was exactly the thing you wanted to pounce on. All I'm trying to figure out is why now?"

_Chris was here tonight._

_That was the only thought as she walked into the arena. Chris was here tonight, Chris was here tonight, Chris was here tonight. He was only coming for a visit, but he was here, and she was here, and damn if it she didn't want to see him so badly. He hadn't even been gone _that_ long, but she hadn't been to a show in a while, so she'd missed him. All she needed was a glimpse of him. She didn't even need to talk to him, seeing him would be enough to tide her over._

"_Have you seen Chris, I heard he's here tonight?" she'd asked a random production assistant._

"_Um, maybe try catering," they'd told her, and she'd hurried along to find catering. Paul kept texting her, but she was ignoring it for the moment. She saw him everyday, he could wait a few minutes for her to catch up with Chris. _

_When she arrived at catering, there he'd been, and there she'd been. They were talking amicably, and the surge of bitter hatred that rose from her toes was so startling she nearly stumbled backwards. She caught herself though, as she tended to do, and she quickly went to grab a water and some food, not that she was going to eat it, no, she was going to eavesdrop because she was a fool, she was a complete fool._

_She took the chair right behind them, her back towards them as she leaned against the back of her chair, trying to listen in while idly pushing her food around the plate. "You look _so_ good with your hair like that," Barbie told him._

"_Thanks," Chris said cockily and Stephanie rolled her eyes._

"_It's so good to see you again, I feel like we haven't talked in forever."_

"_Probably because we haven't," he chuckled. "Life and all that."_

"_I know, it goes so fast, and it sucks because we even live in the same city, you know what I mean. It should be so easy to see each other."_

"_Well, we're busy," he reiterated the point. "I've got the tour and you've got your wrestling stuff and modeling stuff."_

"_That's true, but I really should come see you on your tour, I heard your new album, it's really good, Chris, you should be so proud of yourself," Stephanie frowned. It should be her coyly flirting with Chris, not Barbie. Only it shouldn't be her, and she closed her eyes, thinking about how sad it was she'd pretended to get food just so she could eavesdrop on the lives of two people who she shouldn't care about. Not that she cared about Barbie, but Chris was a whole other beast._

"_I am, I think it's the best one we've come up with, I really think people are liking it so far."_

"_I know I am, I think She's My Addiction is my favorite track, it's just so…it speaks to me, you know."_

_Stephanie couldn't hear anymore. She just could not take it anymore. She nearly flung her tray across the table, but instead, stood up angrily, stalking out of there. The sad truth of it was, when she'd first heard the song, she'd wondered too if it had been about Barbie. It was only a moment, just a second, but it was a thought nonetheless, one she pushed away, but one that seared in her brain, even if only for a moment._

_She was petty, and she hated Barbie Blank._

"Because she wanted to go," Stephanie answered glibly. There was nothing more to it than that.

"She probably would have stayed, I think we both know that."

"I don't care, she said she wanted to go, so she went end of story. I don't even know why we're talking about this."

"I think we're talking about this because I think you're thinking you made a mistake. I think you've been thinking you've made a mistake for a long time now," Chris rose out of his chair, leaning forward with his palms on the top of her desk.

"She _wanted_ to leave," Stephanie told him, emphasizing her point. "I didn't force her out the door, Chris."

"Why do you constantly refuse yourself what you want? What do you get out of it, what does anyone get out of it?"

"I don't know what you mean."

"I mean…is this really how you want to live out the rest of your life?" he asked her, gesturing around to the air as if there was something around him to show but her office. "I gave you the world, Stephanie, or at least I tried to, but you didn't want it. You threw it back in my face, and I moved on. I'm sorry you didn't like Barbie, but at least she didn't make me feel like my heart was constantly in a vice."

"You didn't stay with her."

"No, I didn't because she was a rebound, that's it, that's all," Chris shrugged, "but I still didn't get what I wanted. I would have given you everything, Stephanie, and now, when I'm at a really good place, you go ahead and fire Barbie, and let's not act like this wasn't some type of cathartic, orgasmic experience for you."

"How dare you!"

"No, how dare you," Chris told her, "how dare you think you can come waltzing in and try to send me mixed signals like you've done for _years_. You think I didn't feel your eyes on me _all _night when we were at the Hall of Fame, or the way you _insisted_ on introducing the kids to one another. Why are you pulling this now if not because you think you made a mistake?"

"She _wanted to leave_," Stephanie kept deflecting because Chris was hovering way too close to the truth.

"Regardless, you took pleasure in it because I know you. You have no right to do that. You have no right to feel anything about me or my relationships anymore. You gave up that right. So stay out of my business unless you're going to do something about the situation."

"And if I do!" she challenged him, her eyes ablaze. How dare Chris come in here and start demanding things, things she couldn't give him. Why did he always make it hard for her? Why were his words always the most cutting, why were his stares always the ones that bore right through her skin, muscles, and everything to the soul lying down beneath.

"Then do it. Stop being a coward and do it," he dared her, he was daring her right now to do what they both knew she wanted to do. Propriety and societal norms be damned. He wanted her to come around this desk and kiss the life out of him. But she couldn't do that. She just could not do that. She had to stay on this side of the desk, let the imaginary barrier between the two of them stand if she ever wanted to keep herself.

Being with Chris was like getting lost. She felt for him like she was something else entirely, like she was a completely different person. The person she was with him, that person, that woman wanted to crawl into him, become a part of him. She lost herself in Chris because when she was with Chris, she felt as if…as if they were just one person, one person who somehow got separated into these two incomplete halves. And the effect was terrifying. For all her pettiness, there was one thing that reigned above that.

Fear.

They stared each other down for moments, seconds, minutes, an eternity before she backed down in this crazy game of emotional chicken. She turned away, her hair cascading down her face and shading it from his. She could hear him scoff. "I knew it," he told her. "I knew it…"

"She was granted the termination she wanted," Stephanie said in sotto voice. "That's it. She wanted it, I granted it."

"Of course," Chris said, playing the damn charade he'd played for the past few years now. "I better go, I've got a flight and then a month with my family before I go back on tour."

"Good luck with that."

"Yeah, thanks," he said dully, the fight drained from him.

"Chris?"

"What?"

"What is She's My Addiction about?"

"Don't you mean who?" he wondered. She didn't respond so he stared her down instead, looking her straight in the eye, making sure he gaze didn't waver for a moment, "I think you know who it's about."

Stephanie always had a habit of letting her heart get in the way of business.

Stephanie always had a habit of denying her heart when it came to pleasure.


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: Thanks so much for the reviews and everything, I really appreciate them! I thought this would be a two-parter, but it's stretching itself out. I'm going to try to keep it under 5 chapters, but we'll see. Hope you enjoy and continue to review! :)

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"Do you want me to hire her back?"

Chris just had to laugh. Leave it to Stephanie to completely miss the point. She was an incredibly warm, open person, but damn, sometimes, she just could not read people. He was the type who generally wore their heart on their sleeve, leaving every emotion out there, but she still couldn't read him. So much time had passed, but she was still oblivious, and the only response he had at the moment was laughter.

"I don't even get a hello?" he asked her.

"No time for that," she dismissed and he scoffed just a tiny bit. "If it's such a big deal to you, I'll hire her back."

"You really don't get it, do you?" Chris asked her. "It was never about wanting her to be hired back, Stephanie."

"Then what is it?" Stephanie asked. "I can't make it right if I don't know what you want. I mean, I guess I could hire her back and give in to her demands. They aren't _that_ big a deal."

"Stephanie, did you fire her even a little bit because of what happened between me and her?" Chris inquired after her. She'd not admitted that outright the last time they spoke, but he knew the truth. He just wanted to hear her say it, wanted her to admit it.

"So what if I did?" she answered defensively. It wasn't an admission, but it was probably as close to one as he was going to get. "Look, I'll hire her back, okay, just…I don't know, don't be mad at me over it."

"Stephanie…"

"I wasn't even aware that you still cared about her," Stephanie told him, and he could hear the jealousy in her voice.

Stephanie was so predictable sometimes, and yet, so unpredictable at other times. He could read some of her emotions as if they were written on her face, but when it came to the inner-workings of her mind, he was completely clueless. If he could read her mind though, if he could figure out what it would take to change her mind about everything, but as it stood, she was as far away from him now as she had ever been.

He looked down, his eyes resting on his wedding ring. He said once that he'd gotten Jessica's name tattooed on his hand because he kept losing his wedding ring. It wasn't true. He had his wedding ring, knew where it was at all times. But he hadn't worn it for over a year. He'd tucked it away, tucked _her_ away, and didn't think about her. He had one mission in mind, just one, to get Stephanie to admit that it was supposed to be them. That the two of them were the ones who got the happy ending.

It didn't work out that way, but then, real life is not like the movies. There isn't any fate or karma or anything like that. Sure, he believed in God, but that had nothing to do with this. God was not going to swoop in and push them together. He'd worked hard enough for her, and yet, it hadn't been enough. It might never be enough. He was foolish. He knew that now, but still, he tried, every so often he tried. He'd gone back to that drawer, grabbed that ring, and he'd slipped it back on, but it was temporary. It was just a ring, and if she gave him any indication, he would slip it off for the final time.

She'd never given him any indication.

That was the worst of it. He'd been with her, numerous times, she'd called out his name in passion, again numerous times, but still, there was never a moment where she had given him any kind of hope for the future. That was probably what broke him the most. That was probably what drove him straight into the easy arms of Barbie Blank. Stephanie, for all the emotions she elicited out of him, never seemed one to give any emotion. Sure, they fought, but when it came down to, dare he say it, _love_, she was a closed book. So he had no choice but to move on. He was not a guy who kept going after a clear lost cause.

Okay, that was a lie, he clearly went after lost causes.

"You are so far gone," he told her.

"What are you talking about?"

"I don't care about her," Chris explained. "I don't even care what happens to her, she'll land on her feet—"

"Or on her back," Stephanie muttered, and the smirk that graced Chris's face could probably make any panty drop.

"Catty, I like it," Chris told her, and he could nearly see her cheeks flush in embarrassment. That sentence was clearly not meant for his ears. "What I'm saying, what I wanted to know, what I do know now is the why of it. That's all, but I think it's pretty clear now that it was a vindictive move on your part."

"Like I told you—"

"Yes, I know what you told me, but we both know that's not it," Chris sighed, not wanting to take the conversation in this direction. It would be so much easier if he could just cut Stephanie McMahon completely out of his life. He could have a neat, little, curvy shape cut out of his life. Except you couldn't cut something out of your heart when it took up so much of it. It would only leave a gaping, messy, bloody hole in its stead. "Stephanie, if you calling me was only to rehash a lot of things we've already rehashed, save it, I don't want to hear it."

"I'm not trying to rehash everything. I was just…trying to make it right." She sounded pathetic then, her voice hitching at the end. This was an attempt to make things right? Did she even know what was _wrong_? Sometimes he really didn't think she did, but if she did, then this was a lame attempt, and worthless to him.

"This is your idea of making things right?" he just came right out and said it. "You think that everything that's passed, everything we've been through, you think that all of that can be solved by…hiring Barbie back? A girl who I didn't even care about when I was dating her."

"That's not right, Chris," she admonished him, and he couldn't believe she had the nerve. She _knew_ what Barbie was to him, right? He'd told her, he'd yelled it at her, but it was like her brain refused to believe a word he said. This woman, she was an exasperation, that's what she was.

"You're actually trying to make me feel bad for not caring about a woman who meant next to nothing to me."

"I heard you were torn up when you broke up," Stephanie told him, and he laughed, a deep laugh, one that reached every bit of him.

"Seriously? You…you are amazing, you know that, amazingly blind," Chris finished. "I can't believe. Damn it, Stephanie…" He didn't want to get mad at her, but sometimes, all she did was push every button he had.

"What?" she asked.

"Do you even hear me when I talk to you or is it just a bunch of mangled syllables that make no sense?"

"I don't understand what you're getting at," she told him confusedly.

"I wasn't upset about…I wasn't upset about Barbie, okay, seriously, I was not upset about her. Why do you make me do things like this? Why do you insist on making me the guy who has to pour out everything when I get nothing in return from you?"

"What do you mean?"

"I was upset because you were pregnant," Chris told her.

"Oh," Stephanie said, "but…"

"Do not even ask why, Stephanie," Chris could sense the words coming out of her mouth, and he needed her to stop right now before he said something he'd regret. "Don't you even dare ask me the why."

"We hadn't been together in a long time."

"You just don't get it, do you? Stephanie, you're not this stupid," he told her. "You aren't, and you know what I mean. You know what I mean, but you refuse to see it because if you looked at it, if you looked at everything that was _real_ between the two of us, I think it would scare the shit out of you."

There was a long pause on the other end of the line. "What would make you happy, Chris?"

It was such a simply worded question with an answer that would take him years to unfold. He'd been trying for years to make himself happy, but she refused to give in, instead ignoring what was so clear to him. She felt it. He knew she felt it at the very least. Even if she couldn't articulate herself the way he did, she could at least feel what was between them.

Was an affair messy? Absolutely it was. He knew that going into it, but he'd already been in love with her. He'd loved her without touching her. He'd loved her without knowing the way her lips felt against his aching skin. He knew all of that, but he'd still not resisted her when they fell together. Was he ashamed of his affair? Yes, he was ashamed it took an affair to finally get what his heart had been looking for his entire life, but he didn't regret her. He didn't regret the way she made him feel. So what would make him happy?

Her…just her.

He couldn't say that though. She'd hang up on him. Her feelings were something that got in the way. When she felt too much, she pulled away. "You don't want to hear what would make me happy, Stephanie. Not to mention, what would make me happy is not something you'd be able to give me."

"Why don't you give me the benefit of the doubt?"

"You honestly want me to answer that?" he asked her in disbelief and with a little bit of sarcasm sprinkled in there. "You want me to tell you why I can't give you the benefit of the doubt that you can handle what I have to say? Because I've tried for _years_ to tell you exactly what would make me happy. I've told you in every way possible, I've exhausted words trying to tell you what would make me happy, but every time I try to say it, you know what I get back? Nothing. So give me one good reason why I should ever, _ever_ give you the benefit of the doubt?"

"Maybe I'm ready to hear it now," she told him in a small voice.

"No, I don't think you are," Chris said. "If you were, I think you'd be standing in front of me. I don't think or want to believe you'd do it over the phone. I would think I deserve more than that."

"I'm not trying anything," Stephanie said, "I'm not trying to hurt you."

She sounded so vulnerable Chris wished he could reach into the phone, but no, he resolved himself. This was only going to hurt him again. She was only going to hurt him again. "Stephanie, look, I'm going to lay it out there for you, and you can do with the information what you want, understood?"

"Okay," she answered tentatively, probably unsure of where he was going to go with this.

"I've told you so many times how much I love you, and it holds true. Barbie meant nothing to me, you _know_ this, but yet, you refuse to believe it, to the point where you get giddy to fire her, yes, giddy because I know you. I know affairs aren't supposed to be a long-term thing. They're supposed to be a fling, something to satisfy you when your partner doesn't, but that's not what it is between us. You know it's not. You have broken me, Stephanie, that's why I keep coming back, hoping something has changed, but it never does. I've come to a reluctant acceptance of that, but then here you are, doing things that prove what you feel for me isn't just a fling that we had some time ago. But I can't do this, Stephanie. I can't have you calling me, asking how you can fix it, asking what makes me happy. I've laid it out there for you, Steph, it's in your court, it's always been in your court."

"I'm sorry."

"You always are," Chris told her without malice. He was simply stating the truth. "You're so scared, Stephanie, so scared, and I feel sorry for you. I feel sorry that you have to live life in such a way where your fear guides you through it. I love you, I _love_ you, but I can live without you."

Another long pause. "I've got to go, Chris."

"I understand," he told her. "I'll see you around, Stephanie."

"Yeah, I'll see you around."


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: Thanks for all the reviews and everything, I really appreciate it. I think this story should be wrapping up next chapter, so just be aware of that. Hope you enjoy, reviews would really help, so help a girl out. :)

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She thinks too much.

She was the kind of person who will just sit there and think, and the thinking gets deeper and deeper until she's in a hole so large she can't dig herself out of it. That's kind of like what her affair with Chris felt like. At first, it was something to stave off the loneliness that Paul's absence from her life during his rehab. Chris was a warm body, a friendly smile, and a delicious lover. He felt the same way. The road was lonely, and seeking a body was usually a sticky business, but she'd been willing and clean.

Eventually though, as most affairs do, feelings started to run deeper than either of them were prepared for. It was supposed to end when Paul came back from rehabbing. She was supposed to forget about him, and he was supposed to be faithful to his wife. It was an agreement they'd made so many nights when they'd lay next to each other and they would promise they'd be better once Paul came back. After he came back, they would be faithful, they would leave this behind, and they would be better people.

When Paul came back, they'd stuck to their promises for a time, a short time, barely a couple months, and suddenly, they were together. It was riskier then, the threat of Paul loomed large, but both of them realized they couldn't do without this. They could not keep away from each other, but neither of them would let the words that would seal the deal pass between them, but like most things in their lives, they caved to each other, and they were really gone then. It was too much.

Chris didn't call her back after their last conversation. She didn't really expect him to call though. She'd broken his heart so many times, with so many different, pathetic reasons that she'd pretty much forced him out of her life. His words rang in her head, he loved her, but he could live without her. Therein lied the problem; she wasn't sure if _she_ could live without _him_. The thought of him never coming back into her life terrified her.

It wasn't even within her right to be scared of his absence. She had a husband, he had a wife, the two of them, her and Chris, had no connection between them but the love they kept between the two of them. Their lives could so neatly cut in two, and she had no real claim on him or even his love. She'd stolen it from its rightful place with his wife. She was nothing but and adulterer and a thief.

"Mom?"

Linda had opened the door to find her daughter's tear-streaked face and she was immediately alarmed. "Stephanie, what's wrong? Is it Paul? The girls? Is everyone okay?"

"I'm not," Stephanie told her, her head down as more tears fell from her eyes. When things got too tough for Stephanie, there was always one outlet she could use. She'd grown up thinking her mother her best friend and this had not changed as she entered adulthood. Whenever there was something Stephanie could not figure out, she would go to her mother because her mother always knew what to do.

Her mother was her guiding force, the calm beacon of light that beckoned her back on track when the waters got too rough. Linda stepped forward and wrapped her daughter into a hug. Stephanie sobbed into her mother's neck, hating herself for breaking down like this because it wasn't her style. It wasn't her style to break down so harshly, and it wasn't even her right. She had no right to cry for a man that was not hers.

"Sweetheart, you have me worried," Linda pulled her into the house. "Come on, let's go into the study, and I'll make you a cup of tea, alright?"

"Okay," Stephanie mumbled as her mother led her into the cozy study where the comfiest couches in the house sat. She sunk into one, tucking her legs underneath her as her mother quickly left the room to get Stephanie a calming cup of tea. Stephanie leaned her head against the back of the couch, closing her eyes and taking in the familiar scents of home.

She wanted to be rid of this feeling. She wanted to be rid of it all, but she didn't know how to do that. She didn't know how to let go of Chris, but she didn't know how to let go of everything else. That's what it felt like to her. There were two sides of her life, and Chris was on one and everything else on the other. Stephanie had never been one who could decipher the many areas of gray that separated the two sides.

She wished she could close her eyes, open them, and find herself a ten year old kid again, sad because she'd scraped her knee. She didn't want to be a 36 year old woman with a scraped up heart. "Stephanie?"

Stephanie opened her eyes to see her mother hovering over her, and she wondered how long she'd sat there, thinking of nothing and everything all at once. Linda sat down and handed the cup of tea to Stephanie. She held the heated cup in both hands, a slight twinge of burn flushed through her hands, but it felt good to feel something like that. She wanted to hurt because she'd given hurt out like it was a playing card and she was the apathetic dealer.

"Talk to me," Linda pleaded with her as Stephanie bit her lip and looked off towards the bay windows that led off into the backyard. "Sweetheart, whatever is wrong, I will help you."

Stephanie turned her red-rimmed eyes to her mother and said the words she'd never dared to say to anyone, "I had an affair."

Linda's eyes widened momentarily, but the judgment over her daughter was kept at bay. Linda started to reach out for Stephanie, but then thought better of it, "You had an affair?" she asked as if she needed clarification.

"Yes," Stephanie nodded, "I had an affair, a long one, a very long one."

"Oh," Linda responded, pursing her lips together. Her mother was going to hate her. Her mother had been cheated on by her father, repeatedly, had been humiliated by him, and she was her father's daughter now. Her mother would look at her with the same look of disappointment, but she deserved it. "Okay, well, I don't condone that of course, but who with, what's going on? Is it over? I think I need more details."

Stephanie took a sip of her tea, as if it were truth serum and once she took a sip, all the lies would come spilling forth from her mouth in a torrential waterfall after the dam broke. "It was with Chris Irvine."

"Chris," Linda breathed his name, "I should have known. That man has always looked at you like you were something special."

Oh God, her mother was actually making it worse and a sob tore through Stephanie's throat. Her hands started shaking so hard she was afraid she would scald herself spilling her tea. Linda quickly took the mug from Stephanie, sitting it on the coffee table before she gathered up her daughter in her arms. Her mother's hand brushed its way through her soft locks. Stephanie whimpered at the contact, wanting to bury herself in her mother's arms where everything was safe and nothing hurt.

"Shh," Linda whispered soothingly, "did he do something?"

"Yes," she told her mother, pulling away and looking at her face. "He fell in love with me."

Linda's sigh tore through Stephanie's gut because it was sympathetic and not angry, "Oh, sweetheart, that's the problem with affairs, they always leave this kind of thing in their wake. People are always hurt, there's always collateral damage."

"I know," Stephanie shook her head, looking ashamed, her eyes downcast and studying her hands as she wrenched them together. "I know, and we both knew that, and we both said that it wasn't going to get that far, we wouldn't let it get to that. We always promised that this was just a fling."

"How long has this fling been going on?"

Stephanie grimaced. The truth was difficult and even harder when telling it to someone else. "On and off for eleven years."

"Eleven _years_!" Linda gasped. "The girls?"

"They're Paul's," Stephanie said, "they were all conceived during our off periods, none of them are Chris's."

"Okay, well, that's…something at least, but eleven years, Stephanie, that's not a fling, you love him back, don't you?"

Tears leaked from Stephanie's eyes as she nodded, "I shouldn't, Mom, I know I shouldn't. I made a commitment to Paul, and I shouldn't have fallen in love with someone else, and I feel so guilty about it. Everyday, I wake up and I feel so guilty for betraying someone I promised to cherish for the rest of my life."

"This started before you were married, I just…how?"

"When Paul injured his quad. It just kind of happened," Stephanie shrugged, "but Chris was already married, and I figured, well, I need to settle down, and I loved Paul, so it made sense, but now nothing makes sense anymore. Chris…Chris wanted me. He wanted me, and he left his wife for me, and I rebuffed him."

"So what's different now?" Linda asked, trying to remain objective about all this. Stephanie could tell she was biting her tongue, letting Stephanie get everything out before she doled out anything.

"I fired Barbie Blank because I was jealous," Stephanie laughed and cried at the same time over how stupid that sounded to her now. Now she knew why Chris had been on her case because it was so damn obvious what she'd done. "Chris dated her for a while, when he wasn't with his wife, right after I rejected him. I've hated her ever since so when the opportunity arose, I was a petty bitch and I let her walk. I didn't even negotiate with her, and I was so relieved to rid her from my life."

"And?" Linda could sense there was an "and" coming from her daughter.

"He called me out on it," Stephanie shrugged, "he knew why I'd done it, and he called me out on it. And then we talked yesterday, and he said he could live without me, that he was essentially done with me. He's never said that he could live without me before. He's never said anything in that tone before, and…he's gone, Mommy. He's really gone this time, I can feel it."

"I hate to say it, sweetheart, but maybe this is for the best," Linda told her. "If he's out of the picture, maybe you can get back to your life now, really commit to Paul. Don't you think he deserves that?"

"No," Stephanie cried, "he deserves better, actually."

"He would forgive you, you love him. If Chris is really through, Stephanie, you have a life here, with your husband, your daughters. But…I don't know what went on with you and Chris. How do you feel about this? Obviously this has torn you up. You…you don't want him out of your life, do you?"

This is where the fear came in, this is where the fear would always set in. She'd think about the future, and that fear in her stomach would branch out, settling in her toes and her brain and everywhere in between. She was so scared of the unknown, so paralyzed with the thought of change. She backed away from it, ran from it, and ultimately, she burrowed herself deeper into her hole of stagnancy.

"I don't," she confessed, her voice just below a whisper so Linda had to strain to hear it. "I never want him out of my life."

Linda closed her eyes, taking a deep breath before casting her eyes back on her tortured daughter, "Why have you let it go on so long?"

"Because what I feel for him," Stephanie waved a hand in the air. "What I feel for him is so much more than I can describe, Mom. Being away from him, I feel like I'm hanging from a hook, dangling and trying so hard to get any kind of footing. I love him, I love him so much more than I've ever admitted, even to myself. I'm scared though, so terrified of everything that comes after this. What if I leave this all behind, try with Chris, and fail? What if we were never meant to be more than what we are now?"

"And what are you now, Stephanie? What is it even now? Is it anything?"

"Yes, it's everything!" Stephanie said passionately. She was taken aback at her own fervor. "I can't…I can't live without him. He may be able to live without me, but I can't live without him."

"Sweetheart, I think that's all the answer you need right there. I may not agree with what you've done, I may not even agree with what you're doing, but I will _always_ support you. If you love Chris, if you want to be with him, I will welcome him into this family. I always favor your happiness above all else, so does your father, so does your brother. We are with you, 100%, whatever you decide."

"I just…I'm scared."

"Is he worth it?" Linda asked. "At the end of this, if you go through with a divorce, if you tell everyone the truth, if you go through all the hard times, and at the end of it, you have Chris, and you can be happy, do you think it would be worth it?" Stephanie didn't even need to think.

"Yes."


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: Thanks for all the feedback. I know I said there'd be one more chapter last chapter, but I lied, the next chapter will be the last one, so yeah, enjoy, leave a review! :)

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He can live without her.

Those words stuck in her brain, turning themselves over so she could see them from every angle. What did that mean exactly? Did it mean he was over her, completely and totally, and that he never wanted to see her again? What if she had to go the rest of her life loving him while he just moved on without her? But then, wasn't that what he was doing? Hadn't she inflicted that kind of pain on him for so long it drove him to learn to live without her? Maybe this was her punishment?

"Paul, we need to talk," Stephanie said the moment Paul walked into the house. She'd been sitting near the door, waiting for him to come inside.

"Hey," Paul leaned in and kissed her, but she turned away at the last moment, letting him kiss her cheek. He narrowed his eyes and stared at her, "What's going on with you?"

"A lot," she told him. He looked around, as if trying to hear the constant chatter their daughters always made. "The girls are with my mom tonight, she wanted to take care of them, and I think it'd be best if they weren't here tonight."

"Now you're scaring me," he said. She closed her eyes as her head hung down. Her shoes were fascinating at that moment. Paul didn't deserve to be hurt, not like this. She was about to inflict so much pain on him, and this was the fear she stamped down for so many years. It was like bile rising from her stomach and into her throat, burning the words straight out of her mouth. "Steph?"

"Can we sit down?" she managed to say, walking over to a couch and sitting down, her butt right on the edge as if she needed to bolt, and the need to bolt was rising with each passing second. So much of her life was spent being what everyone wanted her to be, doing what everyone wanted her to do.

Chris was her first rebellious act. He was the first thing she'd ever done that was out of line. She'd been so good for so long, and now the badness, all of it was creeping up on her like a web slowly being built around her. But if she ever wanted to be happy, she needed to be honest. The weight of her lies weighed heavy on her shoulders, and her guilt would be enormous, but at least the weight would be gone.

Paul sat next to her, wanting to grab her hand, but she held her hand up to give him pause. "Please don't," she shook her head.

"Stephanie, I need you to tell me what's going on," he told her, his brow furrowing and his eyes darkening. He knew there was something going on, and he couldn't figure it out, and that bothered him. He was always so bothered when he was kept out of the loop. It was why, when he was injured, he hurried to come back to the ring, simply so he could be back in the loop.

"I've been a horrible wife to you," Stephanie said. "The entire time, I've been a horrible wife."

"No, you haven't," he scoffed, "you're amazing, you practically keep the entire world together as far as I'm concerned."

Stephanie pressed her hand to his cheek and he leaned into it. "I wish you could believe that forever, but you can't. Paul, I'm so sorry, I can say that I never meant to hurt you, and you can believe however much of that you want, none or all, but it wasn't something I did to hurt you. It was something that was already so much bigger than us."

"Stephanie…" His voice caught ever so slightly, and he was starting to glean onto what she was saying, but he didn't dare voice them into words because that would make them true.

She took pause, her eyes rolling to the ceiling. She'd never been particularly religious, but if there was some otherworldly deity, his or her strength would have done her a world of good in that moment. She opened her mouth to speak, but nothing came out. So she tried again, "I've never been faithful to you."

"Never? What does that even mean, Stephanie?" he shook his head at the words. It was the never that tripped him up.

"I started having an affair before we were married," Stephanie confessed to him, pulling her hand away before he could jerk his head away.

"So let me get this straight," he scoffed, "the entire time we've been married, you've been having an affair. So all this time, I've been here, and you've been screwing some other guy, is that pretty much what's happened? But you never meant to hurt me? So you letting some guy, or guys for all I know, all over you was never meant to hurt me?"

"I never…this isn't an excuse, for once, this is simply an explanation. You were gone, away with the quad injury, and I couldn't help myself—"

"It's Irvine, isn't it?" Paul started to laugh. "God, I'm a jackass. I'm a jackass because I knew. I knew and I pushed the thought away because I figured that you weren't a horrible bitch. But I should have known. I saw it, I saw you two, so all this time, all these fucking _years_, you've been screwing around with him?"

Stephanie nodded, "On and off. We were going to stop when you came back and we did, but then…we couldn't, I couldn't."

"So what are you going to tell me next? The girls aren't mine, huh? You want to twist that knife a little deeper, Steph, huh?"

"The girls are all yours," Stephanie said, "I was not sleeping with him when they were conceived, not any of them. I haven't really been with him in a long time, but…I still have feelings for him, and I still…I love him, Paul. I love him."

"Wow…so you've been stringing me along for years," Paul wiped his hands on his jeans. "I'm going to kill him. I'm going to kill that bastard."

"Please, don't, it's just as much my fault as it is his," Stephanie told him. She could tell Paul was on the verge of losing it, and she didn't want that. She knew she deserved his harsh words, but if he went after Chris, that would spell nothing but trouble. "We both made the decision, we both kept it up, I deserve your anger as much as him."

"Oh, believe me, you're getting it. We're getting divorced, I don't even want to look at your face right now. I hope he was worth it, Steph, I hope he was worth it all. But don't worry about me, you haven't worried about me in the last God knows how long. You don't do shit like this to the people you love, so you didn't love me. You were a selfish bitch."

"Yeah, I was," Stephanie nodded. "One who is trying to move forward, and I'll give you what you want."

"So he's going to be around my girls?"

"No, probably not," Stephanie said with a shrug, "he doesn't want me anymore. He said he could live without me. He left his wife for me, and I rejected him, that's why we haven't been together really. So…he probably won't want me."

"You're kidding me, right? You confess _after_ the guy doesn't want you?"

"It was the right thing to do," Stephanie said, "I still feel that way. I'm sorry, I'm sorry a million times over, but that's everything. He left his life for a chance with me, and I told him no because I was scared to do this, all of this, all the stuff that's yet to come."

"Then it serves you right that you end up alone," he told her, walking over and knocking over some knick-knacks, Stephanie winced, but otherwise didn't do anything. He deserved his anger, and she wasn't about to take it away from him. "I gave you eleven years, Stephanie, do you even get that? Do you even get what it does to me to think that while I was proposing you, you were screwing around with him!"

"No, I don't get it," she said quietly.

"Why the hell did you even say yes! Tell me that! Why the hell would you say yes to me when you were getting it from him?"

Stephanie stared at her hands, "He was married already."

"Oh, wonderful, _wonderful_! The only reason you married me was because the guy you actually wanted was married, thanks for settling, Steph, real good work there," he knocked over some picture frames this time.

"I loved you, I know it wasn't enough, I know that you won't believe me now, but I did, I did—"

"Just not as much as your precious Chris!" Paul said. "I'm done with you, I'm done with all of this."

Before another word could come out of her mouth, he stormed out of the room and out the front door, just grabbing his car keys and slamming the door behind him. She could hear his car start pull out of their driveway, the sounds of the engine fading the further he got to their gate. Stephanie sat there for a long time afterwards, not knowing quite what to do. She knew it would happen that way; she hadn't expected differently, but she never thought about what might come afterwards.

She leaned back on the couch and closed her eyes. Chris would know what to do. When he'd left his wife, he'd told Stephanie all about what they were going to do now. He told her how they would get divorce lawyers, the best one, and they would try to make this as easy as possible for everyone. He knew it wouldn't be easy, but he would tell her they could do it together. Everything they could together. He promised her everything he could just to get her to go to him, and in the end, she'd still told him no.

No wonder he wanted nothing to do with her any longer. So many times he'd put everything in front of her, tried to pretty it up, make it beautiful, make it _easy_ for her, which meant he took all the difficulties. He would have too. He would have taken all the blame, he would have taken a beating from Paul if it would make her feel better about the entire thing. She cringed at the way she treated the people in her life. She knew Chris wasn't an innocent in all of this, but he confronted the truth long before she did, tried to take action, which she rebuffed.

She stood up slowly, trudging her way through her home to grab her phone. She called her mother and waited for her to answer. "Stephanie, is everything okay?"

"He left, he's angry," Stephanie said dully. "I mean, I don't blame him, not at all. He has every right to be angry. What I did to him deserves all his anger. He's leaving me, he wants a divorce, and I want to give him that."

"Okay," Linda said, once again knowing there was more her daughter wanted to say so she waited patiently for it.

"Can the girls stay with you for a couple days?" Stephanie asked. "Paul is probably going to be on edge for a couple of days, he'll probably go to Shawn's and regroup before he comes back here. And I just…I need to do something."

"I understand, I'll take care of them as long as you need me to," Linda told her.

"I'll be back the day after tomorrow, no matter what," Stephanie told her. "I'll call in a little while to talk to them, is that okay?"

"You don't have to ask to talk to your daughters, Stephanie, we'll be waiting, and sweetheart, whatever you're going through, I promise you, okay, it's going to get better and easier."

"I hope so, Mom, I hope so."

"Okay, I'll let you go, but we'll be waiting, alright?"

"I love you," Stephanie said simply before she hung up and dialed another number.

"I already talked to him, Stephanie."

"I knew he'd call you," Stephanie said, "Look, Shawn—"

"I'm not the one who needed explaining, Stephanie. He's coming here."

"I thought so, is he driving around?"

"Yeah, he is, cooling his head," Shawn told her. "He's probably waiting for you not to be there so he can go get some stuff. He'll probably call the girls later when he's not so angry."

"Thank you for taking care of him. I never intended for all of this to end this way," she rubbed the bridge of her nose. "I'm not sure how I thought it would all end, but it wasn't like this. Can you just…can you just make sure that he'll be okay, eat and sleep and all that."

"Yeah," Shawn said, "I know you care about him, love him even, Steph, I know, I get it, I may not get why you did what you did, but I don't believe your heart was always in the wrong place."

"That means a lot, thank you again for taking care of him."

"Okay, and you take care of yourself too, alright." Stephanie knew the old Shawn Michaels would never have acted this way. The old him would probably spearhead some kind of revenge towards Chris, but Shawn had grown up so much since she'd first met him decades ago now. He would help Paul in so many ways. She wished she could have a friendship like that.

"Thank you, you can call him and tell him I'll be gone within an hour."

"I'll tell him now."

She was gone within thirty minutes. She grabbed a bag, packed some things, called the airport and was off. She needed to be somewhere else right now, somewhere important that couldn't wait. She'd waited 11 years, and it was time to put an end to this. When she landed, late that evening, she knew it would have to wait until the morning. A surprise was one thing, but a surprise this late at night would be another thing altogether. It could wait until morning at the very least.

And it did. She waited until she knew Jessica would be out, at least when she hoped Jessica would be out. It'd been a long time since Chris called her when Jessica was out, but hopefully she kept roughly the same routine. She pulled up to Chris's house, well, not exactly to his house, but a little ways down the street so she could go unnoticed. She pulled out her cell phone and called his number.

"And what torture am I going to be put through today?" Chris said when he answered her call.

"Hi," she told him, her voice already clogging with tears. "Is Jessica there?"

"No, she's not, why? We going to have phone sex again?" he asked her, but it wasn't playful, it was hard-edged and mocking. She got out of her car, closing the door behind her.

"Am I too late?"

"Too late for what?" Chris asked then he sighed, "Stephanie, I'm not going to fall for your games any longer, alright. I told you everything I had to tell you, but you won't admit anything for yourself, so I'm not going to let myself fall into your trap again. It's self-destructive to us both. Will you please just go to back to your husband?"

"No."

"Stephanie, what do you want from me? I told you that I couldn't do this anymore."

"Am I too late?" Stephanie asked slowly.

"Stephanie, stop it." Stephanie rang the doorbell to his house, standing out on the porch. "Hold on, okay, there's someone at the door."

"Okay," Stephanie told him, wondering how he hadn't heard the doorbell over the phone. She stood there and waited, finally seeing his figure through the frosted glass on the door. She could see him stop before he ever reached the door. That's all there was between them right now, a thin pane of frosted glass keeping them apart.

"Stephanie…"

"Am I too late?" Stephanie asked again. The figure moved forward and then the door opened slowly and he had the phone still to his ear as she looked at him. His eyes were already filled to the brim, that familiar red tinge to the bottom of them as his mouth dropped open just slightly. His blue eyes swam in the ocean they created.

He made a strangled noise and croaked out, "Steph…"

"You said that if I really wanted to hear what would make you happy, I'd do it in front of you, not over the phone, I'm here, I'm in front of you. Chris, what would make you happy?"

"The same thing that has always made me happy. You." She smiled as they stood there, him still in his house, her still on his step. "You're here," he said, laughing a little as he tried to keep the tears at bay. "You're really here." It was time to put it all on the line, just like he had done years ago. It was her turn to be brave.

"All I have to give you is myself…and my love."


	5. Chapter 5

A/N: Thank you everyone SO much for the reviews and reads and likes and everything for this story. It's finally coming to its conclusion, so I hope you like this final chapter. Thank you all again for reading it, enjoy! :)

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It started off easy.

He stepped onto the porch and he silently wrapped her up in his arms, tightly, maybe too tightly, but she couldn't care less because his arms, his strong, wonderful, comforting arms were around her. They started at her waist, pulling her into his body, pressing him against her, melding their forms together as if they could literally melt into each other's bodies. Then her arms came up and locked around his neck, and she buried her face into his neck, the spicy scent of his cologne permeating her being.

Then his hands were moving up, one in the center of her back still holding a phone to a call that still had not ended, and the other cradling the back of her head. They stood there, on his front step and held each other for who knew how long, not long enough, never long enough, but this time, there was promise in this hug. There was future in this hug, and so they didn't want it to end just yet, not just yet, so they clung together for a few moments longer, letting their bodies linger together.

"I love you," he whispered into her hair, just above her ear, just so she could hear.

"I love you too," her response was immediate and meaningful, and she could hear his smile, and she knew he was smiling because it was happening, it was all happening.

"You actually came," he pulled away, but not too far, just far enough that he could cup her face in his hands. "You're really standing here, and you're really—"

He made a choked kind of sound, something between a sob and a cry, and she just laughed and stared at him. The tears were pricking her eyes, and he was blinking back his own. "Yeah, I'm really here."

"You actually showed up."

"I fired her because I hated her. I hated her because she had you, and I wanted you, and I hate her, I still do, and when I fired her, I was so happy because it meant I didn't have to see her face anymore because I was constantly reminded that she had you for a while, and I didn't."

"I knew it," he told her, but it was free from malice and just was. It was just a statement of truth.

"So am I too late?" she asked because she really needed to know. She needed a straightforward answer right now, one that was face to face so she could look into his eyes and know what he was thinking, see if he felt the same way she did. It was not going to be easy, the part that came after this, but she needed to see that it would be worth it.

"You never would've been. You could have come to me fifteen years from now, and you could have told me then that you wanted me, and I probably would have fallen at your feet and praised the Lord."

She laughed, "No, you wouldn't have."

"You have no idea how long I've been waiting for this, Stephanie."

But she does. She knows because she's been waiting constantly for her brain to catch up. Her heart has always been with Chris. Years passed, and her heart was so firmly entrenched with his that it could not break away, but her brain, ever damning her, always got in the way. But it finally caught up, it finally said to her heart that the wait was over, and her heart soared straight for Chris's where it belonged, where it always belonged.

"I've been waiting, I've been waiting for myself to realize how stupid I was, how idiotic I was, how scared, and how silly it was to be so scared when the alternative was just…settling."

"Where's Paul?" They have to come down to the real world because while this is easy, the rest will not be. Paul will make sure it isn't, and she certainly doesn't blame him. She gives him his anger, does not shy away from it because it's entirely deserved. She wished, vainly now, that it could have ended differently or began differently, but it's too late to speculate on that.

"I left him, well, he left me," she told him. "I 'fessed up."

"Everything?"

"Pretty much, yes."

"Come on inside," he told her, "Jess won't be home for hours, we have some time to talk, figure things out."

She stepped inside his house, looking around furtively. She'd only been there once before, and it was for a party he held once that she happened to go to because she was in the area. They ended up having sex in the laundry room, her sitting on top of the dryer. She doesn't remember much about the rest of the house. He grabbed her hand, and led her upstairs to his office. It was cluttered, but it seemed like an organized mess. She took a seat on the couch and he took one next to her, turning so he could face her. She did the same.

"So…you confessed?"

"Yeah, I confessed," Stephanie said, "it was just…well, it was…you said you could live without me."

"Steph—" He immediately tried to interject, probably to tell her that he was wrong, except he wasn't wrong, and they both knew it. If it came to that, he probably could live without her. And that was okay. She could probably live without him too if it came to that. The problem was they didn't want to live without each other. The will was there, but the want was not.

"No, really, please don't apologize for that," she told him, grabbing his hand and placing it into her lap so she could hold it with both of hers. "I don't want you to apologize for telling me the truth. You can live without me; we both know that because you've had to for so long. I was the coward. I was the one who kept telling you no, and you were the one who was so brave. You told me over and over again how it could be, how you would make things easier for me. You were the one who believed when I was the one who kept denying you."

"I just wanted to be with you."

"And I kept saying no. For _years_ I looked at you and told you no, and you kept fighting. You kept seeing something in us that I refused to see, and one day, who knows what day it was, you decided that it was something you could do without, and I realized that I couldn't do without you."

Her voice clogged with tears as she spoke, and those damn pricking tears threatened to spill until one of them did break the levy. She wiped away at it furiously, upset that a tear dare fall before she was ready. Then she laughed at herself for thinking that Chris cared if he saw her cry a little. He didn't care, he never cared because he loved all of her.

"So you told him?"

"I had to, even if you rejected me, he deserved to know. I told him how long we'd been together, reiterated that the girls were his, and that was that. He got angry, knocked over some things, yelled at me, and left."

"He didn't—"

"Of course not," she shook her head. "He would never, he's not that type of man, we both know that. But he was angry, and rightfully so. He should be angry, I was never faithful to him. He was a good husband, and I was a horrible wife. I wanted you the entire time I was with him, I just never let myself have you. He's going to Texas to see Shawn, and I'm here, the girls are with my mom, I'm going back tomorrow for them, but I wanted to make sure that things here were…"

"Yes, I still want you," Chris told her. "And we'll make it, Stephanie, we'll make it work and we'll be great."

"I believe you," she told him. "I believe you because I know now that this is it. I should have said it sooner, I should have been braver—"

"You're brave now," he leaned forward and kissed her softly, barely a touch, just enough to calm her down. "We'll be brave together."

It got difficult.

It was bound to happen. It was always going to happen really. They knew that their bubble of happiness would burst and it would be loud and resonate for so many people and in so many ways. He told Jessica, and on some level, Jessica already knew. She knew when Chris left the first time that it was not just because things were hard between them. She knew that there was someone else. And never, ever believed that someone was Barbie Blank. She was still mad, mad that he didn't break off. She yelled, she left, slamming the door behind her. It was to be expected, and he took it. They both had to understand and accept their former significant other's reactions and feelings.

The divorces were not drawn out, but they were not pretty. There was a division of assets, custody, and arguing over petty things. Chris held her hand when she came back to him, telling her that the hard part was almost over. It never seemed over though, and there were some days where she questioned her choice, wondering if it was better to go back, if she really, truly could have settled, if she hadn't been brave, if she let herself live without him would she be better off.

Then she would think about it for a few more minutes, and she would realize she was wrong in thinking that, even if it was just for a second. There were mornings where she woke up next to him, where he didn't have to rush to leave, where they didn't have to come up with a way to get out of the hotel room undetected, and she would smile at his sleeping form and cuddle in further to catch a few extra minutes of sleep. She was content in those moments, and all the difficult things didn't seem so difficult anymore.

He moved to Connecticut for her. With his traveling, Jessica got custody of the kids, but he could visit them any time he wanted, and he did so often. She got custody of the girls because of Paul's traveling, but again, he was allowed visitation whenever he wanted, and he took advantage of that often. It was awkward, stilted, and sometimes acrimonious, but they made it work somehow because the kids were their top priority for all of them. The kids got along wonderfully, and that was the only part that gelled quickly.

After it was difficult, it got better, and when it got better, it got easy again.

Time doesn't heal wounds, not completely because scars always stick around, no matter how much they fade. And one day, long after you've forgotten about the scars, you'll see it again and for a moment, you'll remember all the pain that came with it. That's it though, just a memory, something that's faded and fuzzy in your brain, but you move on, and you forget about it again.

That wasn't to say sometimes it wasn't hard. Holidays were never easy, trying to coordinate who got the kids and when, school functions always brought some of the awkwardness with them. Sometimes the kids didn't get along, and the house was filled with shouting instead of laughter, and sometimes the adults weren't any better, bitter words of resentment used in silly arguments. That was life though, a messy web of emotions that you simply tried to make your way through.

And that wasn't to say that sometimes it wasn't incredibly easy. A small wedding in their backyard, just their families, and a silly, fun reception afterwards where Stephanie shoved so much cake into Chris's face that some got up his nose and he had to leave for fifteen minutes to try to clean it up. One more child too because they felt the need to pass on their combined genes, and Stephanie finally got the little boy she always wanted. So, yes, sometimes it was very easy.

And they couldn't live without each other, not in the end. In the end, they really couldn't. He might have said he could if he had to, and she might have believed she could if pressed, but they couldn't, and they didn't, and they never wanted to. Sometimes you have to take that leap of faith, have to go through the difficult to get to the easy, and vice versa. You just have to take that one jump. Chris did first then Stephanie, and then it was just them.

Stephanie never did hire Barbie Blank back though.

There are just some choices that aren't mistakes.

THE END


End file.
